complicated

Why? why? What had happened to me? My mood swings 180 degree in 24 hours. Is it I am tired? i was damn excited this early morning, even though I gotta to got up very very early, for e-charity run. the distance of the run is 5km but I think I only manage to run for 3km. The last 2 km I just walk and run a bit. Ahahahaha..but I still manage to get No 20 of the run. Suddenly felt that I have real great strength and stamina. Nah...just around 70 people joined for the female category. Felt a little bit surprise also, I can never run for long distance since primary. Anyway, I am still glad with what I had achieved this morning, minus the paiseh-ness when hanni screamed my name. That was so embrassing boy! But what I appreciate the most is when mostly of the foe fella scream when I went out for the medal. Ahahaha..at least some people did know me and I am not invisible among those foe....hehe....Happy stuff is not always continuous, bright day will never continues. But why is it bothering so much? Why must I care so much? This is not jealousy, not envy also. Just that I felt that I just a supplement. Iron, Magnesium, Vitamin B or Iodine??? That is worst than that if to compare. It does not really matter me much except the supplement part.

But at the same time I am still awaiting for a little magic that might work in a small percentage. With the slightest motion he sent, I am taking it as a motivation to move more, to step deeper and to wish for more. Might this will end nicely whether in the conclusion that I wanted or in a condition that I already expected, but in a different acceptable way.