你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我
你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
沉默是我最后温柔是因为我太爱你
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You said I am loving you too much that you are suffocated. Afraid of short term happiness that will fade off in a blink. Leaving is another way of relief allowing you space to make a final word whether you are able to give me the blue skies I desired.
You said I am giving too much that you have nothing to give me. Unable to distinguish between excitement,promises,eternity and mesmerization spells. Love is just a wound that hurts both of us. Silence is my gentleness, just because I am loving you too much...
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So beautifully written that every notes hit me without missing albeit it was released slightly later of the days. This is really meant for me.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Silenced
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Patient
Today must be a day that I thought will never happen, I choose to come out from my blanket eventhough I do not know what will this lead me too. The feeling is strange, I am not relieved or neither do I felt worried. That is the strange thing about. The whole day was spent really leisurely. I walked step by step, observing people around, read mind through their facial expression, what color of the shoe they wear, guessing what are them thinking, and also listen to random conversation that was going on. I did not rush a single moment, even though I knew that I might be left behind, by bus, by crowd, by train or maybe rain. For the impatient me, this is the first time I felt the nature flow. Beautiful.
Two random stranger(at different time) came to ask for my direction. I smiled because I had help someone today. I smiled because that proved I am approchable. And I smiled because I am acceptable. How simple life can be.
Today is also the day I think the most of myself. Using my own ruler, i measure my selfishness, my impatient, my expectation, my past behaviour, my attitude. I got the measurement, but I do not know the acceptable standard. I felt helpless, especially when all these my's involves something more than me. Will the rain washes away every doubt, leaving the surface I wish too see, will dream and expectation merge together with reality. I do not know. For sure this rain will at least wet my shoes even i am under the widest umbrella I have.
Monday, August 25, 2008
愛自己多一點
你不是 很了不起 嗎?
不是無所谓嗎
为什么 想 其 時 還 會 哭
为什么 要 自己 受 委屈
你 好 傻o
你忘 了快樂是愛自己 多 一點嗎?
再愛自己 多 一點吧...
你 累 了 吧
Friday, July 25, 2008
Lacking myself
I dont recognize myself anymore. I felt I am being shredded, into very tiny pieces, tiny slices of uneven identity. There is also a certain time also, I felt like giving up everything. I am real afraid of losing passion, and more, losing myself to something. Something that I do not know what it is, maybe something that I am lacked of which I have not a single hint what is it. I have everything, yet I am lacking. Emptiness, is chasing me, bringing me to the egde. The edge of bothering mountain, in a slight flash, I afraid I will fall down the cliff, into ocean of sorrowland and being attacked by shark causing numerous bleeding holes in my body.
Tired. I need a peace of mind. To find out what I really want. What I am lacking. If this is caused by PMS, I will be relieved, but my instinct didnt tell me so. and I hate my instinct because it kept telling the truth that I do not want to hear.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
sensitivity vs selfishness
"The HIGHER expectation the GREATER disappointment"
I had always been a negative thinker where I will always expect the worst so that I will not be disappointed in the end. At least anything one nano less than worst, I will still feel blessed. Sadly, there are still several things that I cant help to come out with expectation, hope and wishes. The longer I stay with the expectation the greater amount of disappointment I get. The arguments are :
1) I am too naive to expect beautifully drawn life?
2) I am simply foolish that doesnt understand what is life all about?
In the end, I still prefer to stick on my own
"*knock* Esther, you dont expect too much!" Continue Reading...
Ignorance and superficial
Lost your stand you know ignorance is a bliss. You choose to be an absent, you run away from it. Loser you are, can you cheat yourself anyway where you felt sorrow deep inside does not help. I said no is a no and am standing strong on it. Again no is a no! You had choosen, you choose to be superficial. As nothing goes wrong, nothing to be mend. You broke your heart because you choose to. Do not tell me how pain is it, again because you choose it. You cried in the morning because you realized what I said is not a dream. You wake up from a bad dream, you felt blessed because that does not really happen. You wake up in the morning and you realized I am right. I am on the dead end, because of choices. The one you choose and also the one I believe to choose. You smile because you wanted to heal yourself rationally, I knew. Between love and hate, I lost my composition, you lost yourself, I hate you and I HATE myself more.....
