moodless

I felt like slamming the laptop
for it to stop staring at me,
I felt like knocking all the handphones to the floor
As if they disturb my freedom,
I felt like hugging something until i collapsed
knowing I wont,
I felt like whacking something with my fist
as it wont bleed,
I felt like kicking everything in front of me
as if I am not wearing a skirt
I felt like shout out of my lung
so that my words do not torture me inside
I felt like rolling on the floor
as if the floor is as clean as the one at my home
I wish to sunk myself inside the pool
to make myself suffocated
so that I know I am still alive
so that I can take the deepest breath
to prove that I am still exist.

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Torn

She did not spot anything. He seemed unhappy. I had cheated on her, and at the same moment I had ignored him. How in the world i can do this to her?? She is the one who called up when i am sick, she is the who will offer me almost everything. I had done it, in a bad way. A real bad way...i know there is a turning back but what if the scene come again, again i think i will hurt both of them one more time. I am sorry....for not obeying the rule. I am sorry...for the ignorance too. I know i have to come out with some ways. Appreciation and recognition have to be fulfilled. I guess it was jus an alarm keep reminding me not to run away. I need to solve it..

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Afloat

I saw the RED packet. Dissapointed. It kills my existance and make me a nobody. I started to ask myself whether I had been expecting too much. Did I put myself somewhere I thought I am static despite that I am still afloat. My heart sore by just visualizing at it~

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