In Between. Stage

I am enough with that. I get nothing eventhough I had given my best. Fatal. That is the only word to describe what is in my mind. Who says "xi wang zai ren jian?"That is bullshit. It is faith that close the path. Faith does not want me to follow that path. Will Him open another door for me? Everyone says He will, but again i felt i am diagnosed fatal in that. No cure, no medicine, no breath, no a cm cube of oxygen. That defined fatal. Is that what comes round goes round? Is that a lesson for me from the previous attitude? This lesson is just too expansive and time consuming indeed.