The childhood, the darker one

This photo reminds me a lots of my childhood. Always wearing the clothes given by cousin, I was one very complicated person inside. I used to wonder so many What and Why that i never got answered. At this age, i was already a very controlling person. I yelled when i was furious, I spanked my brother and sister when i felt they were too naughty, and i went to the extent of setting numerous rules around the house ie. who does the tidying, who does the wiping and so on.

But the story was different when i was in school.

I was a nobody in school, hanged between the Top Class and Middle Class, mixing with lots Malay friends, having no one to talk with in POL class(mandarin class on Saturday morning). Every day, I envied the chinese from the Top Class and dreamt to be one of them. It was not helping that my best friend was an Eurasian Chinese who got a driver that sends her to school everyday, always created the best art(with the help of her mum and sister of course), and had the coolest birthday party celebration on their back yard of their bungalow. And who I was? I went to school with a van, squeezed between other smelly school boys. Some part of the time, i went to school with a school bus to found out the bus had left before I finished my classes. Sometimes, i had to wait for 2 hours for the ride home. I saw everyone left the school with their cars and bus. And the most dreaded time was when the school bell rang and everyone will need to queue up before the headmaster opened the gate. We were required to queue in pairs, which I hated the most. I never got someone to pair up with. Every day I will need to scout around to find for another unlucky single friend person or risking being caught by the prefect when the queue moved. Sometimes, I purposely slowed down my steps after the class ended hoping the queue had cleared.

Every day, I prayed that father will come to pick me up. I prayed that father will be richer so that I got to buy nicer pencil boxes, bigger box of watercolors and cooler mechanical pencils. My lunchbox was always 2 slice of bread, which was so Meh, I wished I got more pocket money to buy curry mee, nasi lemak, fried chicken, fishballs and softdrinks.

Guess those were the darkest past I had in my childhood, thing just grew better after those years. I managed to get into the Top Class on Standard Six and secondary school time was a happier one 